Reflection

Reflection (10/24): Last week I got an email from a friend and it really made me stop and think. She talked about reading my blog (the little I've posted) and how she's noticed that my posts have gotten less and less reflexive and more a recitation of different experiences. She encouraged me to take some more time to reflect and write for me rather than just to share stories for other people’s benefit. She had studied abroad and now, after four years +, she still wishes she would have taken more time to write and reflect to try and keep one memory from bleeding into to another causing the entire experience to seem like one big blur. This made me realize that I'm halfway done with my experience and to be honest, I'm not ready to be this far along. The first few months of adjustment have been physically and emotionally challenging and already they feel like a blur. From the first night I stayed in Pohnpei, I have been trying to reflect on what I have learned and what I want to work on for the remainder of this stay; however, I often get overwhelmed trying to sort out my emotions and thoughts. I guess, what I do know is that I am happy - really happy. I miss everyone from home every single day, but I have this overwhelming feeling that this is exactly where I should be right now. I'm going to try (this is my first attempt) to write a few reflections on my experiences so far...here goes a little bit of nothing that will hopefully turn into something…

1) HAPPINESS: "I'm really happy here" is one of my daily reoccurring thoughts. Even on the most difficult days, something catches my eye and places my frustrations into a larger context. I don't know if it’s the simplicity of Pohnpei, the rawness of the people, the kids playing in the streets (sandlot style), or the significant reduction in stress/work load, but I feel like I'm finding balance and it is refreshing. Every day I get to go to a job I love and interact with energetic, funny, and welcoming kids. Every day I get to eat deliciously healthy local food. Every day I get to live in a place that has consistently hot weather (I love HOT weather!). Every day I get to exercise with a track team my roommate and I created. Every morning I get to wake up rested from a full-night's sleep; and mostly (because my external environment is so positive and therefore less distracting), every day I get to have time for some introspection. I actually have time to think about me. It feels weird writing/thinking/saying that, but I'm realizing how beneficial it can be to spend a little part of every day trying to develop a secure sense of self. At home there are too many external messages that distract me from looking inward (above all our culture says that thinking about yourself - especially your positive characteristics - is selfish, vein, etc). However in Pohnpei I actually am able to work on developing a little inner-voice that only gives positive statements. :)

2) CONFIDENCE: Like I said earlier, my self-confidence is increasingly becoming stronger and more deeply rooted. My students have a lot to do with this. They are challenging, but this is exactly what makes my job so rewarding. Some aspects of my job that help with my confidence is that my students light up whenever I enter the classroom, they trust me enough to write personal stories and worries in their journals (in a culture where sharing your feelings is not accepted), their English abilities are improving and they are becoming more and more confident in their own potential. Everyday I try to tell myself that I have played at least a minor role in this positive learning environment. ☺

Another area that is helping me realize my own strengths is how I have been able to adjust to a completely different culture that is thousands of miles from everything that is comfortable back home. Yes, I get run-down from time to time (because the contrasting cultural norms can be overwhelming), but I have found that at these moments I tend to grow the most. I think about how I can better handle specific frustrations the next time they surface. I think about what sensitive aspect of me was poked and then, once exposed, I think about how I can improve upon that specific insecurity. Living in Pohnpei has given me a much needed opportunity to work on my own self perceptions. Slowly I'm growing and becoming more confident. It's really refreshing. During the second half of my stay in Pohnpei I plan to write more reflections to help clarify experiences that could easily blur into one big homogenous blob and to help pull out meaning wherever I happen to stumble upon it.

3) TEACHING: I have never loved a job more than I love teaching ESL students. Every single day I look forward to going to work. Not only do I know every one of my students' names, but I also have had the opportunity to get to know each of their personalities, abilities, growth areas, and worries. I know how to motivate them to learn (most days-ha!) and I love watching them react to my dumb jokes and my personal stories. I also love when they misuse English words and idioms (I know, I’m a cruel teacher!), when they sing with all of their hearts, and when they try to do what I tell them even if they have no idea what I’m asking! One example of this happened last week. We were working on using the words some, any, a lot and much and for their assignment I had them write about what they would like to put on their sundaes. They started working diligently on the activity and only after I decided to walk around to check their sentences did I realize that I had some more explaining to do. I started seeing sentences like, “I like some chicken and a lot of rice on my sundae” and it finally clicked that they had no idea what a sundae was! They thought they were writing about what they like to eat on a Sunday rather than on a sundae! Everyone burst into laughter when they realized what they had written they wanted on their ice cream!

Even when my tank is empty, they fill me up. I'm already thinking about what I'm going to do when I have to say good-bye. As cheesy as it sounds, they all have found a place in my heart. Another reason that teaching has gone so well is that there is another WorldTeach teacher working with me at the college. She is one of those "real teachers" from the states and has been an immense source of support and guidance each day. She is a patient, invaluable resource for me at the college and another reason why I love teaching ESL. Who knows, maybe teaching ESL is in my future...good call Erik! :)

Long time, no blog...

Me in the Jungle!

Hello everyone! WOW, it has been ages since I have written anything on my blog! The good news is that I have been writing, the bad news is that I haven't posted any of my reflections! Another problem is that my computer completely died on me, so most of my reflections were trapped inside (Scott was able to fix it, after I sent it home)! I will post more of my reflections once Scott gets here with my computer (ONE WEEK!).

Life in Micronesia is going wonderfully. I love my job as an ESL teacher more than I have loved any other job. My students fill me up each day and I actually look forward to Mondays (that's messed-up, huh???). Tomorrow is the last day of finals, and I'm actually feeling a little morose about it. I'm really going to miss them over break. At least Scott will be here to fill that void!!

I collected my students' journals for the last time and I was blown away by their appreciation and kindness. They are such great kids. It's weird, for the first time in my life I feel like I'm really making a difference. In the past I would always try to push a "thank you" or "good job" away; however, here it's different....I believe them. :)

Other than teaching, I'm tutoring 53 kids, coaching high school track, running a lot, and going on crazy jungle adventures up extremely tall mountains. Life is wild! I am still enjoying the 80 degree weather (sorry, had to rub it in a little!) and the ocean. I also feel like I'm growing. I'm becoming more confident and finding my lively spirit once again...it's refreshing. :)

I hope all of you are well! Don't give up on my blog! More reflections will be on their way (however, they will be old!).

Teaching in Pohnpei; Story #1

In May, before leaving for Micronesia, two of the WorldTeach volunteers had sent four boxes filled with teaching curriculum to use in Micronesia.  Two months had passed with no signs of the boxes and they were becoming increasingly anxious that the boxes may never come.  Erin, to help with her frustration, changed her expectations to a December arrival time.

During lunch one afternoon I went to do the routine mail-run and to my surprise, Erin and Andy's boxes had arrived!  I was so excited to give Erin the news that I decided to try and take as many boxes as possible back to our office.  The man working behind the desk carried two boxes for me to sign for and without testing their weight, I happily signed.  I picked them up and thought, "Wow.  These are really damn heavy...but you know what, it's only 800 meters, I can do it."  It's unfortunate that I'm an optimist and that I made that decision with only five steps into my trek, because after 10 steps I was absolutely exhausted!  The boxes combined weight must have been over 60lbs and the temperature was hovering around 100 degrees.  Halfway through I was almost in tears, so I decided to purposely over-exaggerate my exhaustion hoping that someone would notice my obvious struggle and give me a ride.  I plopped my foot down, sighed obnoxiously, wobbled and pushed one more step forward.  The sequence repeated. Plop, sigh, wobble, push, plop, sigh, wobble, push. Finally, I arrived back to campus and was already five minutes late to my own class. I looked in the mirror and gasped at what I saw.  I was completely drenched in sweat, I smelled like ass and my hair was one big frizz ball.  Now, in the states if a teacher arrived looking as I did it would raise at least a little concern, but in Pohnnpei no one seemed to notice or care!  I taught an 85 minute class looking as though I just ran a marathon in a skirt and a dress shirt...

Sokehs Rock

making our way up

kids at the top

            the view

   

making our way down

Sokehs Rock 8/26/08: We had heard stories about Sokehs Rock, but none prepared us for the intense rock climb we conquered two Sundays ago.  For the first few miles we walked on a paved road around a small island to get to the trail head.  Once there, we started our trek up hill.  We climbed rocks made into stairs, used trees to stabilize ourselves, and took breaks as needed due to the steep incline.  It was a challenge to even reach the base of the rock!  Once we arrived at the base, Michaela said, "Okay, now begins the technical part of the climb.  Do you see that pipe?  That will become your lifeline."  I looked up at what we were about to climb, noticed the rusted pipe and started to shake.  However, my ego wouldn't let me back down, so I continued upward.  As we ascended, we reached for tree roots and held our body tight against the vertical earth.  We carefully tested each rock and branch to make sure it would hold.  We gave guidance to one another when one of us got stuck.  There were times when I imagined myself dying (okay, a little exaggeration...hehe), and times when the adrenaline pumping through my body made me want to yell out in excitement!  Once we reached the top we were greeted by Pohnpeian kids (yeah, they put us to shame on the climb) and fresh pineapples ready to pick!  We spent some time enjoying the view, taking pictures and listening to the kids sing hip hop songs from the states.  Basically, we were avoiding the reality that at some point we had to go back down!  After almost an hour of relaxing one of us had to get back so, just as carefully, we made our way back down the rock.  I found going down much easier.  Whenever I couldn't find solid footing I would use the pipe as a firefighter pole to slowly inch my way down.  When we reached the pavement, we talked about how each of us (at least at one point) thought that we were going to die.  However, immediately following that conversation we made plans for the next encounter with Sokehs Rock!

Picture Update!

Below are some pictures for all of you to enjoy!  Hopefully this will give you a better idea of how my life is in Pohnpei!

Me and my Pohnpeian family-and that's only some of them!  

Sepe and me "making our style"!
SohSol (one of my host brothers)
Host brothers and Sisters:Indigo, Sepe, Emma, Sohsol (front) and Jojo (far left)

This is a test to see if my internet connection can handle uploading four pictures at a time...stay tuned for more pictures!

Finding solid ground...

This past week has been extremely busy; however I'm gradually becoming more grounded in Pohnpei. I'm getting used to a more laid back lifestyle (it seems odd to think I need to "get used to" living a more relaxed life), and have started to view things like time and schedules as more fluid. Those of you who have known me for a while remember that I have had to work hard to become a punctual person and live a more sequential life. Living here actually makes me little anxious that a floodgate will open and my free-floating, abstract mind will come pouring out due to all the years of suppression! It also doesn't help that on one of our hikes my watch broke. I've finally gotten over the severe watch-withdrawals (I NEVER take that thing off at home), however, not having a watch to keep me "in-check" has also enabled my abstract-minded nature to drip out. Additionally, being "on-time" in Pohnpei allows for a 20-minute cushion...adjusting back to the states might be a little harder than I initially anticipated! However, why think of that now, right? :) Luckily I'll have enough responsibilities at the college to hold me accountable to things like punctuality, preparedness, etc. Other areas in which I have been surprised is how I'm WAY less absent-minded on island and that I like to clean- I know it's weird (I apologize to those of you who spit out your coffee from the shock of that last comment)! My theory is that, for once in my life, I actually have time to be more intentional with where I put things and I have time to clean while not under a tight schedule or after a long, exhausting day. Okay, enough on my personal growth and more about what I've done!

As of Wednesday, I've finally moved into my apartment, established an office at the college and received my teaching curriculum (whew!). My apartment is AMAZING! It's on the third floor overlooking the ocean and, because of the location, we get a lot of airflow to help cool down our apartment and dry our clothes. I also live near an excellent running/walking route on the airport causeway. Most mornings I wake up early to take a walk (with a cup of coffee in hand) and enjoy the sunrise. The temperature is usually much more mild in the mornings (and along the ocean) so it has proved to be an excellent way to start my day. Hopefully I'll get some pictures up tomorrow or Monday so you can get an idea of what my living arrangements look like. Michaela, my roommate, is basically a duplicate of me. She was a college heptathlete (she even got stress-fractures in the same locations as I did), she's into all types of sports, she loves hiking, and we have the same middle name (among many other similarities). She also has been living on island for a year, so that makes life much easier for me!

As a group (WorldTeach) we have gone on an exciting adventure each weekend. My favorite weekend adventure was going on a six waterfall hike with all of the WorldTeach volunteers. I've been on many different hikes but nothing has been comparable. Not only was it absolutely stunning, it was physically demanding! We alternated between climbing up steep hills on "all-fours," to sliding down muddy slopes on our butts. We had to wade through rivers on slick rocks, jump off rocks/cliffs into open water, and then swim against the current to reach the waterfalls. The “path” was literally carved by our machete-bearing guide as we progressed through the jungle. I could not stop smiling the entire time! Scott, when you get here you are going to love this hike! Other adventures have included hikes to Sokehs Ridge where you can get a 360 degree view of the island, trips to an outer island called Nahlap, and car rides along the parameter of the entire island (Michaela and I plan to walk around the entire island before we leave!).

Overall, life has been pretty nice. I'm still riding the rollercoaster, however whenever I feel down or less confident I'm learning to just stop and take a moment to look around me. It's so beautiful that feeling down almost seems silly.
Please continue to read and post on my blog! I thoroughly enjoy all of your posts! Also, on the right hand side is a list of things I could use on island. Nothing is urgent but it's kind of like a "wish list" if you are looking to send anything!

Hello!

This was recorded in the morning while visiting Nahlap (an outer island) with my host family.

A common analogy that we have been using as volunteers in Micronesia is that our experience is like being on a rollercoaster.  Ups and downs come without warning and last for varying durations of time.  Yesterday I was filled with amazement and almost a childlike excitement and today I've been much more flat.  In some volunteers their position on the rollercoaster is transparent, while others (the more expressively muted or the perma-smile junkies) it's harder to detect.  However, visible or not, we are all onboard this topsy-turby ride that leaves us exhausted at the end of every day.  But really, how could we not be?  I left the "good old" midwest where coffee shots (tear), farm land (ahhh the tractors...), lake resorts (go Woodlawn!), and open highway were in common sight.  I lived by my wrist watch, alarm clocks, and revolving deadlines.  My friends, family and fiance were readily accessible by cell phone, email, or even in shouting distance.  I worked in a temperature controlled office along side a computer.  When thinking about how life was at home and how it is here, how could stepping into a third-world, Pacific Island culture not bring about a rollercoaster ride through the culture shock tunnel, right?  Most things are unfamiliar to all of us.  For example, the climate alone has been an ever-present contender for my energy.  Ninety degree weather at 100% humidity is almost inescapable .  The air is so thick that at times I feel like I'm chewing on it and even when I manage to find a room with a/c I find that my body rejects the drastic temperature change (instant nausea...mmm).

Another source of "culture shock" is how people live on island.  Even more shocking, however, is how my interpretation is probably very different than it would have been had I been reading this description second hand, in central MN.  Although we are living in a third world country, the people here seem...happy.  Things seems to work...well.  So while reading my experiences with poverty and the people try not to interpret it as negative or positive because in all honesty I'm not even sure how to interpret it yet!  

When I first entered my host family's house (at 2am) I was confronted with smells I was not used to, 6 - 8 kids sleeping on the linoleum floor, older women with mwarmwars (a crown of flowers) to present to us and food prepared just in case we were hungry (again, at 2am!).  It was clear that they their resources were few, so when I stepped into my beautiful bedroom complete with a full sized bed, desk and fan, I could not help but feel guilty.  It didn't feel right taking up so much physical space while so many children were sleeping on the floor.  When I woke up the next morning, not knowing any of the language, I timidly walked into the dining/living room and was amazed by the spread of food they had ready for me.   They told me to sit and eat and it appeared as if the younger kids were just waiting to serve any need I might have.  Once again, I felt guilty and unsure how to react to their willingness to be incredibly gracious and serving.  In the states I've learned to be low-maintenance and self-sufficient while visiting a friend/family member, so by stepping into a culture that assumes the duty to serve and feed a guest I find myself feeling undeservedly pampered.  It's actually very uncomfortable at times, however I'm hoping that I'll eventually be able to fully accept their incredible capacity to care and give as something that pleases them equally.  Micronesians, even from my limited time here, seem like incredibly benevolent people.

Regarding the food, I have found my heaven!  Sashimi is extremely inexpensive and fresh fruit is plentiful.  My host family prepares every meal and smiles when we sigh with delight.  I wish we would be able to eat more meals together, however my experience so far is that we (the other WT volunteer living with me) are to be served first, kids are not allowed to eat "our food" and everyone leaves the room, except for one young women sitting on on the parameter waiting to see if we need anything.  When we have finished eating we are hardly even allowed to clear our own plates.  Again, their kindness, almost servitude, is hard to adjust to.  

I have to run but future blog topics include: the KIDS, RUNNING, SOCCER, LANGUAGE, DRESS CODE, HOW MUCH I SMELL and FAITH...

Weŕe finally here!

Kasehlelia! (hmm...not positive on the spelling yet, but it means hi...and goodbye (like Aloha)!

Itś hard to believe that I am finally living on the little speck on the globe that I have been showing so many people the last few months. There´s nothing like stepping into 90 degree weather at 100% humidity to break the denial of being so far from home. I´ve now been living here for three days and already know my way around the ¨town.¨ Itś quite small but it has everything I need. My host family has also been extremely gracious. They feed us well (Sashumi!!) and the kids are a lot of fun. They have actually been my Pohnpeian teachers! The land is breathtaking. It really is a tropical paradise. There´s fresh fruit growing from trees, an ocean view within walking distance and, really, no real conception of time (I am still trying to get used to this!).

As far as life with the other volunteers, we are a quirky bunch. Itś going to be interesting how each of us adjust. :)

I also had a chance to meet my future boss at the College of Micronesia, Pohnpei campus. She seems very nice and comforting. I just hope that I can remember English grammar rules...itś been a while!

Well, that is all for now. Stay tuned for more...

First dose of "island time"

Well, we were scheduled to arrive in Pohnpei in about an hour, however due to a 12 hour+ flight delay (the delay continues to increase each hour) we are still in Hawai'i.  The good thing is, if there ever was a top ten list for the best places to have a long layover, I'm sure Hawai'i would be close to the top!  Also, the delay has allowed us to get to know each other under more relaxed circumstances and it has granted us the opportunity to spend the day on the beach, go shopping through an enormous free market, and eat at a local pub.  I really can't complain!  

So, I think the first lesson I've learned on this trip is that my personal time schedule carries little weight (and we haven't even gotten to Pohnpei yet!).  The tide here is slow and I need to learn how to simply float.  :)  

Preparation...

Departure Date: July 15th, 2008
Destination: Federated States of Micronesia
Program: World Teach, http://www.worldteach.org/programs/micronesia_year/

My thoughts:
YIKES, here I am less than three weeks away from departure and I feel like there is still so much to do! Anxiety is definitely the primary emotion I'm feeling at this point. Also, I'm finding that it's fairly cut and dry with what I need to accomplish before I leave, however it's not as simple trying to prepare for the emotional transition ahead of me. How do I visualize myself living somewhere so completely foreign to what I have always known? I guess the best thing to do is to keep pushing forward and believe in my own ability to adapt and, hopefully, make anywhere I go feel like home. Yikes!