Reflection

Reflection (10/24): Last week I got an email from a friend and it really made me stop and think. She talked about reading my blog (the little I've posted) and how she's noticed that my posts have gotten less and less reflexive and more a recitation of different experiences. She encouraged me to take some more time to reflect and write for me rather than just to share stories for other people’s benefit. She had studied abroad and now, after four years +, she still wishes she would have taken more time to write and reflect to try and keep one memory from bleeding into to another causing the entire experience to seem like one big blur. This made me realize that I'm halfway done with my experience and to be honest, I'm not ready to be this far along. The first few months of adjustment have been physically and emotionally challenging and already they feel like a blur. From the first night I stayed in Pohnpei, I have been trying to reflect on what I have learned and what I want to work on for the remainder of this stay; however, I often get overwhelmed trying to sort out my emotions and thoughts. I guess, what I do know is that I am happy - really happy. I miss everyone from home every single day, but I have this overwhelming feeling that this is exactly where I should be right now. I'm going to try (this is my first attempt) to write a few reflections on my experiences so far...here goes a little bit of nothing that will hopefully turn into something…

1) HAPPINESS: "I'm really happy here" is one of my daily reoccurring thoughts. Even on the most difficult days, something catches my eye and places my frustrations into a larger context. I don't know if it’s the simplicity of Pohnpei, the rawness of the people, the kids playing in the streets (sandlot style), or the significant reduction in stress/work load, but I feel like I'm finding balance and it is refreshing. Every day I get to go to a job I love and interact with energetic, funny, and welcoming kids. Every day I get to eat deliciously healthy local food. Every day I get to live in a place that has consistently hot weather (I love HOT weather!). Every day I get to exercise with a track team my roommate and I created. Every morning I get to wake up rested from a full-night's sleep; and mostly (because my external environment is so positive and therefore less distracting), every day I get to have time for some introspection. I actually have time to think about me. It feels weird writing/thinking/saying that, but I'm realizing how beneficial it can be to spend a little part of every day trying to develop a secure sense of self. At home there are too many external messages that distract me from looking inward (above all our culture says that thinking about yourself - especially your positive characteristics - is selfish, vein, etc). However in Pohnpei I actually am able to work on developing a little inner-voice that only gives positive statements. :)

2) CONFIDENCE: Like I said earlier, my self-confidence is increasingly becoming stronger and more deeply rooted. My students have a lot to do with this. They are challenging, but this is exactly what makes my job so rewarding. Some aspects of my job that help with my confidence is that my students light up whenever I enter the classroom, they trust me enough to write personal stories and worries in their journals (in a culture where sharing your feelings is not accepted), their English abilities are improving and they are becoming more and more confident in their own potential. Everyday I try to tell myself that I have played at least a minor role in this positive learning environment. ☺

Another area that is helping me realize my own strengths is how I have been able to adjust to a completely different culture that is thousands of miles from everything that is comfortable back home. Yes, I get run-down from time to time (because the contrasting cultural norms can be overwhelming), but I have found that at these moments I tend to grow the most. I think about how I can better handle specific frustrations the next time they surface. I think about what sensitive aspect of me was poked and then, once exposed, I think about how I can improve upon that specific insecurity. Living in Pohnpei has given me a much needed opportunity to work on my own self perceptions. Slowly I'm growing and becoming more confident. It's really refreshing. During the second half of my stay in Pohnpei I plan to write more reflections to help clarify experiences that could easily blur into one big homogenous blob and to help pull out meaning wherever I happen to stumble upon it.

3) TEACHING: I have never loved a job more than I love teaching ESL students. Every single day I look forward to going to work. Not only do I know every one of my students' names, but I also have had the opportunity to get to know each of their personalities, abilities, growth areas, and worries. I know how to motivate them to learn (most days-ha!) and I love watching them react to my dumb jokes and my personal stories. I also love when they misuse English words and idioms (I know, I’m a cruel teacher!), when they sing with all of their hearts, and when they try to do what I tell them even if they have no idea what I’m asking! One example of this happened last week. We were working on using the words some, any, a lot and much and for their assignment I had them write about what they would like to put on their sundaes. They started working diligently on the activity and only after I decided to walk around to check their sentences did I realize that I had some more explaining to do. I started seeing sentences like, “I like some chicken and a lot of rice on my sundae” and it finally clicked that they had no idea what a sundae was! They thought they were writing about what they like to eat on a Sunday rather than on a sundae! Everyone burst into laughter when they realized what they had written they wanted on their ice cream!

Even when my tank is empty, they fill me up. I'm already thinking about what I'm going to do when I have to say good-bye. As cheesy as it sounds, they all have found a place in my heart. Another reason that teaching has gone so well is that there is another WorldTeach teacher working with me at the college. She is one of those "real teachers" from the states and has been an immense source of support and guidance each day. She is a patient, invaluable resource for me at the college and another reason why I love teaching ESL. Who knows, maybe teaching ESL is in my future...good call Erik! :)

Long time, no blog...

Me in the Jungle!

Hello everyone! WOW, it has been ages since I have written anything on my blog! The good news is that I have been writing, the bad news is that I haven't posted any of my reflections! Another problem is that my computer completely died on me, so most of my reflections were trapped inside (Scott was able to fix it, after I sent it home)! I will post more of my reflections once Scott gets here with my computer (ONE WEEK!).

Life in Micronesia is going wonderfully. I love my job as an ESL teacher more than I have loved any other job. My students fill me up each day and I actually look forward to Mondays (that's messed-up, huh???). Tomorrow is the last day of finals, and I'm actually feeling a little morose about it. I'm really going to miss them over break. At least Scott will be here to fill that void!!

I collected my students' journals for the last time and I was blown away by their appreciation and kindness. They are such great kids. It's weird, for the first time in my life I feel like I'm really making a difference. In the past I would always try to push a "thank you" or "good job" away; however, here it's different....I believe them. :)

Other than teaching, I'm tutoring 53 kids, coaching high school track, running a lot, and going on crazy jungle adventures up extremely tall mountains. Life is wild! I am still enjoying the 80 degree weather (sorry, had to rub it in a little!) and the ocean. I also feel like I'm growing. I'm becoming more confident and finding my lively spirit once again...it's refreshing. :)

I hope all of you are well! Don't give up on my blog! More reflections will be on their way (however, they will be old!).